“I am on a spiritual journey.”
That’s what I am saying since I started to connect to my inner well, my heart’s intelligence and wisdom. And I will probably continue to say this until I leave this Earth. As I am always learning, developing and transforming. Which is I believe also part of this school of life we ended up in. I say “ended up in” because it is not always a fun and easy journey. Undoing all that conditioning we went through is sometimes really hard work. Loving all of yourself and accepting yourself when you are most unlovable is something that takes practice.
Being someone the world told you, you are not allowed to be, takes courage, balls and ovaries alike to stand up for who you truly are. Also this is a journey. Nobody will just take the decision and be transformed for life. It takes a bold first step, yes, the decision, but then it takes thousands of bold and courageous steps continuously to live it and express it every single day until it becomes natural to you. It is a journey where you will have bad days, and good days. But the most important thing is that you keep going, that you do not give up. There will be days, where you will cry, feel unworthy, ashamed, like a freaking liar. And days where you feel like a goddess, or god and filled up with energy and power from deep within. Also this is part of a spiritual journey.
And again, a spiritual journey is not all light but it needs the dark just as much in order to evolve and grow. As a seed needs to be in the dark and nourishing earth to grow and unfold into the potential of a flower.
I recently hit one of these darker phases, where I was wondering after 4 years of breakthroughs and tons of work and deep dives into the mystery of my soul, hours of healing sessions and so on … why is it that I am hitting the freaking wall again. I am so done and tired of hitting this damn wall! I was on a journey but somewhere I believe I took a wrong turn and now I am kinda stuck in a freaking loop. Do you know these idiotic and exhausting loops? Like come on, I learned the freaking lesson, why now again? Nothing comes easy anymore, manifestation blockages, not to start with not seeing even a clear vision. Connection? There but unstable. WTF?! But I am doing the work! I work on my business. I help and heal people. But why is there this feeling of stuckness?
The holy AHA moment came shortly after I hit the wall. As so often I learned it from one of my clients. I love my clients, as much as I help them. Trust me I learn equally much from them. It is indeed true you attract people that resonate with you on some similar level. And so I can rest assured each client brings me some level of enlightenment every single time.
The message I received was loud and clear:
Doing spiritual work is useless, unless you do it on yourself at the same time continuously.
For some reason I ended up immersing myself in work and forgot to take care of my own needs. Listening to the signals of my body. My heart and soul were giving me signals but I was so head-driven to ignore it. I was no longer thinking and feeling with my heart, but with my head. Risky, dangerous and unhealthy.
So what happened in my little loop is something like the following. I love to quote my dear friend who said:
“Just because you have this great idea and vision, doesn’t mean you have to turn hamster and jump straight into the hamster wheel. Some ideas need more patience and time to unfold to full fruition.”
And this was exactly what my latest biggest learning was and is. In books we read that the journey is more important than the goal. Or the journey is the goal. Ever really understood its meaning? Honestly, I thought I did, but I just came to it. Having a heart-felt idea or vision is magnificent. Keep it. But do not jump straight with the head into its creation. Create from the heart. Let the idea sink in. Let it touch you. Feel it in all your cells. Breathe it in and out. Sit with it for a couple of days, maybe weeks. Practice it. Chew it. Let it touch you deeply. CREATE it. This is when you come to enjoy the process. And with that the goals become indeed irrelevant and the journey unfolds as the goal itself, indeed.
And with this… let’s continue this freaking amazing spiritual journey …
Much love, ❤️