When I started my healing journey from burnout and embarked the journey to my true self, I thought this is the one destination. This is where I will reach fulfilment, complete happiness and constant inner peace. Nothing would be able to shake me or stress me because I learned my lessons. I evolved. I am done with the pain. At least so I thought.
But the honest truth is we are never done. We are never done healing. We are never done evolving. And that is actually a good thing, because it means we are still living. We are making experiences and are changing. Bettering and improving at times. At others learning lessons of what we might not want to do ever again. And so on.
I am a work in progress
I am a work in progress. And there are days I am highly frustrated. I am angry. I am feeling helpless. And I want to inflict pain on others for their ruthlessness and lack of compassion or common sense towards others. There are days I take things personally and some suppressed part of me screams for attention. Something triggers me suddenly out of nowhere and wants to be loved and integrated in my system because something that triggers us can only trigger us because it is part of us. A part of us we reject and resist. If someone is’ bitchy’ and triggers us then only because we don’t allow ourselves to be bitchy. We resist it and we judge it. We don’t want to be ever labelled ‘bitchy’ and thus we lose our composure when we encounter someone ‘bitchy’.
Hello, inner shadows. My trusty friends.
Shadow work is something I came across in 2019 and started practicing straight away.
A great definition for inner shadow work is given below by 'be my travel muse' - blog:
“Suspend judgement on yourself : Shadow work is a practice of healing and self-growth, which means that it requires surrender and acceptance. Instead of attacking everything that you don't want to think, feel, or address, go into this process with an attitude of compassion for yourself and your experiences.”
The reason why we are never done with this work is because we are living beings who make constant experiences, learn something new, meet people, engage with people, with ourselves, with differences, with the world, politics, work environments, partnerships, friendships, family… We are all dynamic individual beings. We are different and we are all going through different periods in our life - the good and the bad. And as the tides so are we constantly meeting new parts of us. Some we love and others we need to learn to love and accept as part of us just as much.
Hence I came to the following conclusion:
I am love. So I can be fear.
I am creative. So I can be boring.
I am strong. So I can be weak.
I am loud. So I can be quiet.
I am passionate. So I can be ignorant.
I am good. So I can be bad.
I am intelligent. So I can be stupid.
I am beautiful. So I can be ugly.
I can love and accept myself with all feelings, emotions and parts of me.
I am not just all light and love all day long.
I came to realize that I am an emotional being with the full spectrum of colours and am allowed to tune into all emotions and feelings, not only the ones that I have been told to be the good ones.
I am no longer suppressing parts within me, as then I would suppress me.
I am here to be me.
I am a human being.
I am a feeling being.
I am not perfect.
I will no longer intend to be perfect, as for me perfection is now, the true me.